I have some sad news again. I had another miscarriage last week making this number 3 for me. The last one was in January. I really thought this time would be different, I felt different and very positive and we were very hopeful that everything would work out. We have been thinking about how to announce it and when and I have been finding lots ideas for the nursery. I have a hard time talking about this subject, but I decided to post it to Facebook anyway. It makes me uncomfortable and sad and I don't like people knowing I am uncomfortable and sad. I try to just tell a few family and friends and post it on this blog since mostly only family and friends read it. But then it ends up that I tell everyone eventually or it comes up somehow. I thought maybe it would make it easier if I just came out and announced to everyone all at once (the ones that are on Facebook, anyway). It might stop people from asking "Are you going to have anymore kids?!" for awhile. That always gets a little awkward to explain. I took this picture last Saturday, which was the worst most painful day of them all. This time it has been a lot harder physically and emotionally for me. We decided to not tell the kids what is going on because they didn't know about the others and I feel like they are too young and it would be too upsetting. I skipped the ER this time and just waited until I could get into the doctor, I've had to go back a couple times this week for more blood work. My levels are still elevated so I have to go back next week as well. My doctor is hopeful that after all this is over we can do some testing and find out what is causing this to happen. There might be some things I can do or take that will be an easy fix, but we will see. I need to take a few months to recover. I don't want to become bitter, angry, feel like it's not fair or whatever other negative emotions I have about this. I also want to stop feeling embarrassed or like it's my fault or I did something wrong. I am working on it! The responses and notes of encouragement have helped a lot. Thank you.
5 comments:
I am sad for you.
It sounds painful and difficult, and that you were already quite committed to that little baby.
But since you don't want people to know that you are uncomfortable or sad, I will forever forget you said that!!
If I could, I would make it so nobody could ever again ask you if you're planning to have any more kids! Unless you wanted them to.
I really hope the medical investigating is helpful. Good that there is hope in that direction.
Maybe to feel better you could re-watch some "So You Think You Can Dance"?? I loved this season.
Best wishes for happiness and health.
--Heidi
I am very sorry you have to go through this! I can't imagine how hard that would be! hopefully they can figure out what is causing you to have miscarriages. PS - pretty picture of you:)
Allison, this is truly sad news. I am sure this is an emotional time for you, as well as the previous miscarriages. I am thinking about you.
Allison, Melissa (Doney) Holmstead here. I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I've had 2 miscarriages as well. They're hard in so many ways. It sounds like you've got a good doctor who will possibly find some answers for you guys. Please remember, it is NOT your fault. Miscarriages happen, unfortunately, but not because you did or didn't do something. Hang in there. If you need anything (I live in Chicago) or just want to talk e-mail me and we can get in touch. melissadoney at yahoo
You have a sweet gift of expression that allows others to consider, feel and connect with where you are. Miscarriages are so difficult and painful. I also hope you can get some help and answers. Know you are loved and in our prayers. Give Steven a hug for us too. I know this must hurt him to see you in pain. He loves you so much. We send our love and wish we could send more. Love Launa & John
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